my current state of life
strangely, I’m still perceived as a hippie (the girls in my class don’t
know how else to classify someone that’s ‘different’ except that…’she must
be a hippie or lesbian from austin’) haha, it must be because of my scarves
I wear, and the bike I ride everywhere. but don’t doubt, I’m not lesbian. I
don’t know where they pulled that one from.
I was thinking about it the other day, and of all the subcultures that I
got to pick from when I got here (since I didn’t naturally fit into any
specific one, I got to choose)… I definitely got some that I enjoy. the
hippie bikers. the ‘emerging church’ community. the ultimate frisbee cult.
still, I don’t feel like I fit into any one subculture extremely well. I
just jump a lot between them all. so, my life is still spent ‘not
belonging’…but always wanting to try new things. and it is a constant
struggle to balance diving into community vs continuing to bounce between
different groups of people and try new things. I think my lifestyle might
stay that way forever… which might not be a bad thing.
I finish nursing school next next may (2010), and I have no idea what will
happen after that. so far, God has provided over and beyond what I need
money-wise, so I have not had to take any loans or sign any contracts that
would own my life the few years following graduation. I don’t know where
he’ll take me; I’m really just trying to become solid and consistent in the
things he’s taught me so far, and not slip backward or backtrack in those
things. I want to keep moving forward in obedience…but at the same time,
when you don’t know what you’re looking forward to or striving for— it’s a
little hard to not just ‘settle’ and quit pushing yourself. I try to live
‘ready’ and be prepared for whatever comes. I guess that’s what this time in
college station is right now— excel in this, with these people— and i’m
just trying to learn what I can and be ready for whatever God has next. just walk.
after living in Russia with
just my family as my support system/body of Christ around me… it has been
an amazing learning experience to realize that (at least for right now) I
have a LOT of believing people around me, and recognizing how amazing God
set up this Christian thing to be— he made this huge body that supports
each other…and it works so much better than being a loner…. I mean,
sometimes you have to go off and be the little finger by yourself, but I
still have to forget to not disattach myself from the body in those times. I love seeing my friends get married, and have each other, to be a part of Christ’s body together. one of the coolest things I’ve been realizing as my friends marry off is, I
often enjoy hanging out with both of them at the same time more than one of
them by themselves. the weddings have begun, officially. they’re everywhere.
